2014 Resolutions

Every year people write these resolutions. I don't agree with them to be honest, but I guess I'll join the herd and do the same (a few days early). "Intense Blue Eyed Lady" suggests that I write things down to help them manifest in my life, to focus on them and perhaps they will come true. I also have fortunes from fortune cookies taped around my monitors at work that I read daily..hasn't worked for me yet either! haha. Good times.

Finding "Happy"
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I'm looking forward to working on finding my happy. Figuring out what I need to do to reach that balance of work/personal life, without having to compromise on myself. I'd like to get to back to finding "me" again and focusing on the things that I used to do before that were important to me. Simple things such as cleaning/detailing my car. To be honest, I can't remember when the last time was that I cleaned my car...that just seems unreal to me. I take pride in my vehicle and feel as though it's a reflection upon me.

Physique Competition or "beach worthy"
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I've spent the better part of 3 years actively lifting weights. It started off as a way to deal with my emotions and stress. I did it by myself. I then stumbled across a trainer who I get along with great, same kind of humor, and who has pushed me to reach limits I didn't even think were possible. I've been training with him for little over a year and have shattered the goals that I had set myself while training alone. He's motivated me to start training others, which I currently do, and is pushing for me to get on stage and compete. I made a good run last year, but came short when I decided to pull out with a bunch of personal things going on in my life and couldn't focus on my diet/training properly. I would like to make another run at it this time, and even if I don't make it to the stage, would like to have a physique that I'M proud with, not what others are proud of. Today starts my transitioning into eating a clean diet again...wish me luck!

Learning to accept things I don't have control over
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This seems to be a universal thing that I need to learn. I think I would be less angry/stressed if I could simple accept that some things are just the way they are, EVEN when they are wrong. If it's not within my power to make a difference, to just let it go and move on. My personal struggles with this have become more prevalent in my adult career than when I was in HS or working retail jobs. Learning how to cope with these things may also help me to deal with my mother better. I plan to read "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman this year as well.

Letting Go
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Letting the past be the past. This one isn't going to be easy either. Forgiving others for things that have happened and letting it go. Forgiving events in passed relationships and not bringing them forward to others. Forgiving myself for past mistakes and actions. My family. My "friends". Hopefully through therapy and processing through things I can start this year on a "cleaner" slate, and just focus on where it is that I want to go.

Letting Go Of Fear
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I hate spiders, but this isn't that kinda fear. Well I'm not a fan of any kind of bugs to be honest lol. I fear being a disappointment. I fear being a failure. I fear change. These three in their various forms control a lot of my decisions in life. I think most everyone feels this way, but for me the weigh heavy.



One things at a time....RIGHT.....