When something bad is going to happen.
Today I received a text message from a friend of mine coming back from NY. He has cut his trip short by 3 days, saying that he is finally fed up with the bullshit and is tired of the drama. I'm not sure if he is for real this time...but something about the way it came across through the phone tells me that he is. I really do believe that the "love" has ended between these two parties and that things will no longer be the way they were. There are definitely some changes that are going to occur on his side, lets hope that they are all for the best. Trying to be nice I asked if there was anything he wanted to discuss and quickly, with little hesitation, his mood had changed, his armor back on and he was no longer "noticeable" phased by what had transpired early in the day. Maybe...just maybe at a later date will I truly hear what happened and get to the bottom of the crisis.
Sitting at work today...in all of it's awesome 12 hour glory alone...I opted to bring a small collection of dvd's to keep me mildly entertained. The movie I was watching was called Training Day. Awesome movie...and have watched it a million times at least. What made it different this time is noticing the tattoo that Denzel's character has on his forearm. The writing reads "Death is certain, Life is not." For some reason that phrase stuck with me for the remainder of the movie. When it ended...I went about my usual triage of things starting with checking my email.
I had an email from a friend which stated that he had just found out a good family friend had passed away earlier this morning in a head on collision. She was in her early 20s. According to the news clip he directed me to it stated that another driver was driving on the wrong side of the interstate and had a head on collision with her. "Death is certain, Life is not." Out of the countless times for me to have watched this movie, for me to pick up that phrase today and receive that email is just all to strange for me. Although I never met this person, do not know her, and will never have the opportunity to meet her...the message still rings loud and clear. Life is short...bitter...and unfair at times and most of all it is uncertain. We can't control things beyond our control, but what we can do is control what we enjoy in our lives every day. Early 20s is to young for anyone to die. Life has just "started" in a sense...your career and ambitions just beginning.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
New Year's Resolution
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
What is the significance of this date? For me...it marks the beginning of a new year and a set of goals that I hope to obtain. I will do my best to stay motivated, stay encouraged, and stay focused to meeting the changes I place before me with confidence and determination. Each Wednesday that follows I will make an effort to update my blog with my progress. Mark where I have met my goals, where I have fallen behind, why I fell behind, and what I need to do in order for it not to happen again.
Advancement:
In order for me to further my career and income there are some things I need to obtain. For the moment, a Bachelor's degree isn't required. [although it is something I will want to obtain in the future] For now...getting specific key certifications will be the fastest and most efficient way for me to get ahead where I'm currently at. I have always felt overwhelmed by these tasks...for they are not easy and will require a lot of effort to obtain.
My goals are to study at a minimum an hour a day towards one of my certs on the days that I am working. On the days that I am off a minimum of two hours a day will be spent studying until I have obtained my certification(s).
Physical:
I already would like to think that I have a vigorous work out regiment given my schedule. I lift 3 days a week consistently to reach my max bench of 255lbs by March, and 280+ by the end of 09. What I am missing is my cardio and a few other key elements to transform my physique into something I feel more confident with.
To do this I will continue my lifting regiment as stated above. In addition, on the days that I am not working I will do 30 min worth of strictly abdominal/core exercises. After a few weeks I will increase the intensity of these by upping the number of reps per exercise that I do. I will also run for a minimum of 20 minutes for starters...until my stamina allows me to increase the distance, time, speed, or combination of either 3 as the months progress. I will also take 10-20 min out of each day and focus on stretching to regain some of my flexibility that I have lost.
Emotion:
I'm not yet sure how I want to tackle this idea yet. For now...I think I will continue to use my work out as a form of release for my emotions, as well as using my blog as an outlet to share my thoughts. It helps me clear my mind and focus on what truly is important if I can spill it out on paper [virtual in this case] and go back and re read where my frame of mind was when I created the post.
What is the significance of this date? For me...it marks the beginning of a new year and a set of goals that I hope to obtain. I will do my best to stay motivated, stay encouraged, and stay focused to meeting the changes I place before me with confidence and determination. Each Wednesday that follows I will make an effort to update my blog with my progress. Mark where I have met my goals, where I have fallen behind, why I fell behind, and what I need to do in order for it not to happen again.
Advancement:
In order for me to further my career and income there are some things I need to obtain. For the moment, a Bachelor's degree isn't required. [although it is something I will want to obtain in the future] For now...getting specific key certifications will be the fastest and most efficient way for me to get ahead where I'm currently at. I have always felt overwhelmed by these tasks...for they are not easy and will require a lot of effort to obtain.
My goals are to study at a minimum an hour a day towards one of my certs on the days that I am working. On the days that I am off a minimum of two hours a day will be spent studying until I have obtained my certification(s).
Physical:
I already would like to think that I have a vigorous work out regiment given my schedule. I lift 3 days a week consistently to reach my max bench of 255lbs by March, and 280+ by the end of 09. What I am missing is my cardio and a few other key elements to transform my physique into something I feel more confident with.
To do this I will continue my lifting regiment as stated above. In addition, on the days that I am not working I will do 30 min worth of strictly abdominal/core exercises. After a few weeks I will increase the intensity of these by upping the number of reps per exercise that I do. I will also run for a minimum of 20 minutes for starters...until my stamina allows me to increase the distance, time, speed, or combination of either 3 as the months progress. I will also take 10-20 min out of each day and focus on stretching to regain some of my flexibility that I have lost.
Emotion:
I'm not yet sure how I want to tackle this idea yet. For now...I think I will continue to use my work out as a form of release for my emotions, as well as using my blog as an outlet to share my thoughts. It helps me clear my mind and focus on what truly is important if I can spill it out on paper [virtual in this case] and go back and re read where my frame of mind was when I created the post.
Christmas 2008
I was meaning to write this entry a few days ago but just couldn't seem to find the time I guess. Now that I am at work for 12 hours with only 1 other person working in the building with me, most of the network quiet with little traffic to monitor, and nothing but time on my hands; I figured I would take this time to make the entry.
I wouldn't say that it has always been like this. Each year seems to be progressively getting worse. The older I get, the obvious lack of emotional feeling within my family seems to get stronger and stronger. Holidays are just "another" day in the calendar and not something that is celebrated or looked forward to. Don't misunderstand me...we all love one another I believe...we just never do anything to show it and I can count the times I have heard that word used probably on one hand in 24 years. We just are not a touchy/feely kind of family I guess.
This year seemed really dull and bland. We all new we were not getting anything for Christmas this year. We hardly had any decorations up inside the house and I think for the first time ever...we didn't even have a tree. It may sound silly...but not having a tree this year really felt like something was "wrong" with our family. I go to my friends houses...drive through the surrounding neighborhoods...and you can see through the windows usually some form of tree...lights, decorations, the whole shibang...the way things "should" be.
The morning started off in rare form yesterday...as always. Nobody home...everyone out doing their own thing just to hear my mom walk in being upset again. It's tough...always having to be around for fights, bitching, arguing...sometimes being a apart of it and other times just being a bystander. I believe it's because we all have somewhat of a short fuse. Mix that fact with everyone being a smart ass and sarcastic [seems to be a family trait] and tempers can fly out of control in a rather short amount of time. We had a nice dinner and surprisingly hung out afterward and all sat down and played a few games of spades. This again...is yet another rare happening in the house. We don't hang out together as a family and do anything...and I mean anything. I can't remember the last time we all hung out and did anything entertaining. It's always pockets within the family...but never all 4 of us at once.
I don't know...
Maybe it's not as big of a deal as I make it out to be. Maybe "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" expression is what I'm currently going through. As much as I dislike certain parts of our family I don't think I would ever trade them in either if that makes sense. I just wish at times things could be a little different.
I wouldn't say that it has always been like this. Each year seems to be progressively getting worse. The older I get, the obvious lack of emotional feeling within my family seems to get stronger and stronger. Holidays are just "another" day in the calendar and not something that is celebrated or looked forward to. Don't misunderstand me...we all love one another I believe...we just never do anything to show it and I can count the times I have heard that word used probably on one hand in 24 years. We just are not a touchy/feely kind of family I guess.
This year seemed really dull and bland. We all new we were not getting anything for Christmas this year. We hardly had any decorations up inside the house and I think for the first time ever...we didn't even have a tree. It may sound silly...but not having a tree this year really felt like something was "wrong" with our family. I go to my friends houses...drive through the surrounding neighborhoods...and you can see through the windows usually some form of tree...lights, decorations, the whole shibang...the way things "should" be.
The morning started off in rare form yesterday...as always. Nobody home...everyone out doing their own thing just to hear my mom walk in being upset again. It's tough...always having to be around for fights, bitching, arguing...sometimes being a apart of it and other times just being a bystander. I believe it's because we all have somewhat of a short fuse. Mix that fact with everyone being a smart ass and sarcastic [seems to be a family trait] and tempers can fly out of control in a rather short amount of time. We had a nice dinner and surprisingly hung out afterward and all sat down and played a few games of spades. This again...is yet another rare happening in the house. We don't hang out together as a family and do anything...and I mean anything. I can't remember the last time we all hung out and did anything entertaining. It's always pockets within the family...but never all 4 of us at once.
I don't know...
Maybe it's not as big of a deal as I make it out to be. Maybe "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" expression is what I'm currently going through. As much as I dislike certain parts of our family I don't think I would ever trade them in either if that makes sense. I just wish at times things could be a little different.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Felt Like Sharing...
Today should be a great day. The weather has changed some. It is no longer raining...there is a clear blue sky out, slight breeze...and crisp cool air signifying winter is kicking in. On the drive in today I was able to catch the full moon. It was so bright that you would have probably been ok driving without any headlights on. As the moon faded away, I got to catch the sunrise shortly before pulling into work. Yes...I'm up that early, but that's part of the job and sadly I have gotten used to it. It has it's perks, seeing mother nature in different ways....it always you to reflect and enjoy each day. It's not every morning you get to catch a magnificent sunrise as you cross over a bridge....
With all these good things...why am I still down? I know I suffered a loss today. It is sad to think of, but I try to move on quickly, not letting my emotions set in knowing that it was something that had to be done. It was the right decision to make...but even the right decisions in life are sometimes hard to make and over come.
With the new year approaching quickly I have yet to decide what I want to strive for this year. I feel that I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish and at times, feel overwhelmed thinking of all the "changes" I want to make in my life. It's hard to focus on one particular thing and strive to obtain in when you are trying to change so many things all together. I understand that you have to priorities...I think I have got a list of goals in mind that I want to accomplish. These changes range from personal endeavors, to working on my physical appearance and health, to education, to career advancement, etc. Maybe writing the list down...giving me something to look at on a weekly basis to remind me what to focus on will help. I just don't know...
Confidence is one of those things that just doesn't happen. I feel comfortable with who I am for the most part. I think I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm striving to better myself, and making the appropriate changes that I need to in order to become a better person, yet...with me being able to say all of the above...I still feel all this self doubt within me. What needs to happen to shed this mindset and move forward feeling confident and accomplished? Is it possible that some individuals are destined to never feel satisfied with what they have? Is there such as thing as "it's never good enough?" I guess the only remaining question would be...am I one of those individuals???
With all these good things...why am I still down? I know I suffered a loss today. It is sad to think of, but I try to move on quickly, not letting my emotions set in knowing that it was something that had to be done. It was the right decision to make...but even the right decisions in life are sometimes hard to make and over come.
With the new year approaching quickly I have yet to decide what I want to strive for this year. I feel that I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish and at times, feel overwhelmed thinking of all the "changes" I want to make in my life. It's hard to focus on one particular thing and strive to obtain in when you are trying to change so many things all together. I understand that you have to priorities...I think I have got a list of goals in mind that I want to accomplish. These changes range from personal endeavors, to working on my physical appearance and health, to education, to career advancement, etc. Maybe writing the list down...giving me something to look at on a weekly basis to remind me what to focus on will help. I just don't know...
Confidence is one of those things that just doesn't happen. I feel comfortable with who I am for the most part. I think I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm striving to better myself, and making the appropriate changes that I need to in order to become a better person, yet...with me being able to say all of the above...I still feel all this self doubt within me. What needs to happen to shed this mindset and move forward feeling confident and accomplished? Is it possible that some individuals are destined to never feel satisfied with what they have? Is there such as thing as "it's never good enough?" I guess the only remaining question would be...am I one of those individuals???
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